I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
We are two peas in an std pod
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
