You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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