i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
All I want is dick and wine.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
