I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
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two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
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Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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