I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
