she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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