she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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