Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
