Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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