They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
