OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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