I smell stomach acid.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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