I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Randomize
