she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
