He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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