I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
