you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
