blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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