I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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