i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
