he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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