Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
