i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
