They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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