Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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