dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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