Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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