i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
