Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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