it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
