My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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