Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
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