Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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