Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
