I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Hippo gnu deer
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I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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