Midget sex pt 2 tonight
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize