The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
