You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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