What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
