call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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