she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
