just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
