She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize