So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
