During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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