you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
