No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
