I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
