she looked like the before picture.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
