weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
