Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
