i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
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Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
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I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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