Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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