Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Randomize
