So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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