i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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