The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
