then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
