She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
