My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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