Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
