he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
It's official drugs can't kill me
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
